Valentine’s Day is right around the corner; which means love and the scent of chocolate is in the air. I thought now would be a good time for “the talk”. Yes, today I am talking about sex. Specifically, the truth about sex.
Let’s just be honest, sex is everywhere. Sex is in movies, t.v. shows, books, and even commercials. Therefore, it’s really not something that can just be swept under the rug- but that’s exactly what the church is doing. My mom never had the sex talk when I was growing up and at church I was told to simply wait until marriage. That was it. In a society dominated with fulfilling bodily pleasure I was told to abstain without an explanation why. Yeah, not helpful at all. That’s why I’m writing this post. I want to share advice with teen girls who are wanting to know the truth about sex.
The Truth About Sex: Sex Isn’t Bad
I grew up in a home that didn’t even acknowledge sex in any way, shape, or form. My mom never had “the talk” with me at home and I never felt comfortable enough to ask questions about sex since it was never addressed openly. All I knew about sex is what I was taught at church: don’t do it.This all led me to believe that sex itself must be a bad thing.
God created sex as a gift to mankind and He wants you to enjoy it… within the right context, that is. Proverbs 5:18-19 (CSB), “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. A loving deer, a graceful doe- let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.” In this scripture, the joy of sexual intimacy is actually used as a blessing!
Still don’t believe me? What if I told you there is an entire book in the Bible solely discussing the intimate relationship between a man and his wife? Because there is. Check out Song of Songs; King Solomon’s beautiful account of his love and sexual desire for his bride. If sex is bad then why is there a whole book about it in the Bible?
The Truth About Sex: Sex Is About Intimacy (Not Fun)
This is were society has their conception of sex wrong. Most people consider sex as a “fun” activity to do with their partner. Sex was designed by God to be much, much more than that. It is a physical action produced from intimacy in marriage. Sex is meant to be a strong bond between husband and wife; the result of true love and unity.
Genesis 2:24 (CSB) says, “This is why man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” This verse does not outright mention sex but most scholars agree that it is referring to the act of sex. You see, sex isn’t bad. God created sex as a way for man and wife to come together and bond intimately (the keyword here is man and wife). This is one reason why it is so important to wait until marriage to have sex!
The Truth About Sex: Girls Battle Lust Too
If there is one misconception about sex that bothers me the most it’s that boys are the only ones that struggle with lust. Have you ever gone on a youth group trip where a pool was involved? Chances are you had to wear a t-shirt over your bathing suit. I’m also willing to bet the boys were running around in swim trunks and no shirts (double standard much?). Not only is this inaccurate (and teaches girls that it’s their responsibility to keep boys from lusting after them) but it also leads young girls to feel as if something is wrong with them because they battle lust; young girls like me, for example.
I struggle with lust every. single. day. Every day I pray for God to give me strength and help me to resist temptation because I know (from experience) I’m not strong enough on my own. All through high school I was 100% convinced there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I carried so much shame with me for many years because I thought, somehow, feeling lust was my own fault.It wasn’t until I was in college and was able to speak freely with other girls that I realized that lust is common for girls. Thankfully, God has told us exactly how we can resist temptations such as lust in scripture.
The Truth About Sex: Sex Connects You For Life
Sex is a strong emotional and physical bond; once you join with someone sexually you’re connected for life. Literally, the act of sex produces feelings of attachment to a person; and this attachment will form whether you want it to or not. This is another reason it is important to wait for sex till marriage; it’s a powerful action that connects you on deep levels.
Sex also connects you physically. Have you ever heard the saying “when you have sex with someone you also have sex with everyone that person has had sex with?” It’s true… and pretty gross when you think about it. A recent study has found that the average number of sexual partners for Americans is seven. Seven may not seem like a lot but when you consider the concept of “second hand sex” those seven partners become 49.
That’s a lot.
Now considers this: you and your husband both waited for marriage to have sex. That means the total number of sexual partners is only two; you and him. How special is that? (The answer is very special). I know some of you reading this may have not been abstinent in the past and that’s totally okay. God’s love covers a multitude of sins! And there’s no reason you can’t start living in sexual purity now.
The Truth About Sex: Sex Is Not The Proof Of Love
Sex does not prove your love for someone. When I was younger I thought having sex means you love someone and I think a lot of other girls out there believe the same thing. It’s not true. Sex itself is just an empty, emotionless action. So girls, if your boyfriend is pressuring you have sex because “he loves you” or because “if you love him you should show it” don’t feel like you have to do so.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (CSB; emphasis added), “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…”
If you really want to prove your love for someone, take a peek at the scripture above. Show your love by being patient and kind. Don’t be rude or try to pressure them into something. Be understanding and don’t hold their mistakes against them. Don’t be prideful or rude. This is how you prove your love to someone!
I hope this article has been helpful to at least one person. I know sex can be confusing, especially when you don’t really have someone to discuss it with. Do you have any other questions about sex I can answer? Are there any other tough topics you would like me to discuss?