Dating as a teen girl is hard. Dating as a Christian teen girl? Harder. Navigating the world of dating while pursuing a relationship with Jesus can be tricky. Not to mention there’s tons of questions that need to be answered: should you date a non-christian?, how do you put Jesus first in the relationship?, should christians even date at all?
Believe it or not, the Bible actually has a lot to say about dating and relationships. That’s right, a book over 2000 years old has relevant advice for
your dating life today! My hope is that this post on the truth about dating will not only assist you in pursuing godly relationships but also help you to embrace God’s plan for you and your relationships.
The Truth About Dating: You Were Created for Relationships
You, my friend, were created by God for relationship; relationship with friends, relationship with family, relationship with a significant other, and, most importantly, a relationship with God.You, my friend, were created by God for relationship; relationship with friends, relationship with family, relationship with a significant other, and, most importantly, a relationship with God. Click To Tweet
You Were Created for a Relationship With God
Genesis 1:27 (NIV) says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
God created you in his image! What does this mean? Well, it’s not necessarily referring to physical traits but more specifically morally, spiritually, mentally, and relationally.
Our God is a personal, relational God. From the beginning of creation, the plan was always for Jesus to give up divinity and come to this earth as a human so that you could have a personal relationship with the Father and have access to the Holy Spirit.
Romans 8:14-17 (NIV) describes it this way, “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children, then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
This scripture paints the beautiful picture of what God wants your relationship with him to be like: Him as your Father, Christ as your brother and co-heir, and the Holy Spirit ever present within your heart!
You Were Created for Relationships With Others
Genesis 2:18 (NIV), “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'”
God doesn’t want you to live in solitude. God knows that human beings need companionship; he saw it when he created Adam and he saw it when he created you. God created someone special, a suitable helper, for Adam and he has carefully designed someone special for you as well. He has created a companion for you that is going to love you the way Christ loves you (Ephesians 5:25).God has created a companion for you that is going to love you the way Christ loves you (Ephesians 5:25). Click To Tweet
The Truth About Dating: You Don’t Need No Man
Friend, I pray you will listen and hear me when I say this: you do not need a boyfriend. Is it nice to have a boyfriend for companionship, talking, etc. ? Yes. But you do not need a boyfriend.
Trust me, whatever reason you think you need a boyfriend for, God’s got it covered. Believe me when I say, when you go into a relationship expecting something that only God can give you, you’re gonna be disappointed.when you go into a relationship expecting something that only God can give you, you're gonna be disappointed. Click To Tweet
You need companionship? Jesus has your back!
John 15:15 (NIV), “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
Feeling lonely? God has you on that one too.
Joshua 1:9 (NIV), “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with your wherever you go.”
Need a protector? You guessed it, God’s got you covered.
Psalm 46:1 (NIV), “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.”
Now, I can keep going all day but the point is no matter what need your trying to meet by pursuing a relationship, God is the only one who can truly fulfill it.
You don’t need no man, you’ve got God.
The Truth About Dating: Your Identity Is In Christ, Not Your Boyfriend
This one is so important and something I wish I knew before I started dating. There is a particular guy I was involved with, which I briefly mention in my testimony, that really messed me up because I was misplacing my identity and self-worth in a guy instead of placing it in God. I was around 19, just out of high school and in my first year of college, when I met this guy at my new job. He was amazing, in my mind at least. I thought he was was cute, funny, and had a charming personality; he was what I wanted in a boyfriend.
Everything would be going great between us and then out of nowhere he would drop off the face of the earth; he would stop answering my texts, avoid me at work, and then inevitably I would find out he was dating another girl. This happened more times than I care to admit and it destroyed me each and every time. I was completely convinced that there was something wrong with me; I thought I had to be unlovable because the same thing kept happening over and over.
And then God came and he told me who I am in Him. He told me I am loved (John 3:16), I am chosen (2 Peter 2:9), I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Once I realized who I am in Christ what others thought of me- what guys thought of me- no longer mattered.
The Truth About Dating: Wait Until The Right Time
Song of Songs 2:7 (CSB) says, “Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by The gazelles and The wild does of the field, do not sure up or awaken love until the appropriate time. “
A lot of times we will enter into a relationship just because we have feelings for a person. But is caring for someone really enough to start a relationship? The short answer: no. It takes a lot to have a good, healthy relationship. While you certainly should have feelings for someone you’re entering into a relationship with you also need patience, commitment, understanding, humility, etc.
Don’t force romance , you will only end up hurt. Instead, take your time and let God prepare you.Don't force romance , you will only end up hurt. Instead, take your time and let God prepare you. Click To Tweet
The Truth About Dating: Don’t Be Unequally Yoked
2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV), “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
This one is hard but so very important. Scripture makes it clear we are not to be unequally yoked with non-christians; this means we shouldn’t date or marry non-christians. There are several different reasons for this.
First, when you pursue a relationship with someone who is not a Christian you’re putting yourself at risk. You know that saying, “you are who your friends are?” Well, it’s true. I know you think he will change because he’s dating you- that you can change him by being an example to him- but it’s far more likely that he will change you. You know that guy I mentioned earlier? He wasn’t a Christian. I knew that before we even start talking but I thought he would change when he saw how important God is to me. I was wrong because I was the one who changed. My language changed, my behavior changed, my personality changed; I became so angry and argumentative that I wasn’t the same person. I stopped focusing on God because I thought I needed to invest more time in this guy to keep him interested.
This leads me to my next point, you cannot make God a priority in a relationship where both parties are not pursuing a relationship with Him.
Don’t mistake this verse for meaning you cannot be friends with non-Christians; you most certainly can! One of the best ways to share your faith is through example; letting friends see the evidence of God in your life. However, you do need to be wary of how close you allow relationships to develop. As I mentioned, you are who your friends are.
The Truth About Dating: He Can’t Love You Unless He Loves God
1 John 4:7-8 (NIV), “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
This truth ties into the last one: if the guy you’re in a relationship with doesn’t know God then he doesn’t know love which means he cannot truly love you. Likewise, if you do not know God then you don’t know love and you cannot truly love him. This is why it is so important for you and the guy you are in a relationship with to both be pursuing a relationship with God; so that you can know how to truly love one another (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).A woman's heart should be so close to God a man should have to chase Him to find her. -C.S. Lewis Click To Tweet
In the end, all of these truths about dating can be summed up in this: seek God first. Make God priority in your life and trust in him. God doesn’t want you to be alone but he doesn’t want to see you hurt either.